Coping mechanisms: How does one aquire them? This has been a big fixation of mine over the past week and a half. I made it to twenty six and I don’t know that I have a single one that isn’t substance based. At this age, the only two I’ve had for years are nicotine and alcohol. Specifically, the super addictive, attractively packaged, fruity vapes and boxed wine. I have been on nicotine patches for about three weeks and relapsed on the vape yesterday, after a particularly emotionally charged conversation. I’ve just thrown all, but one away, that’s nearly dead and it’s glaring at me. I haven’t had alcohol around to tempt me this past week and a half. I am teetering on massive disappointment with myself and anger that I cannot seem to get rid of all of my addictions at once. I know it is wild that I attempted that.

I wonder now what new healthy coping mechanism I can find. These past two weeks I’ve tried: chicken nuggets, sushi, shawarma, and chocolate in bulk. Yesterday and today, I’ve spent time at the gym trying to work out the stress and other heightened emotions. A therapist I had a few years ago, taught me breathing exercises, but those only stand to piss me off majorly right now. I’ve tried pouring myself into my other old sober hobbies, but I’ve had such a bad case of anhedonia. Sleep and food, sleep and food. I know from previous experience; with the drinking it will start to loosen up and then there will both be too many and not enough hours in the day. Nicotine is a different thing altogether.

Some positives from about a week and a half of sobriety from alcohol: mostly I sleep like a baby, food tastes better and I remember eating it, I’ve lost five pounds, I am doing a better job at work, and my anxiety has improved a bit. I am going to try to focus on the positives for the rest of the evening. Hell, I worked nine hours and then went straight to the gym and am now cooking an actual meal. Normally, I’d be watching the clock for the next twenty minutes until it was my “appropriate” time to drink. Chugging three to four glasses of boxed wine, eating something I door dashed, and falling into a fitful sleep at seven thirty. All the while, crossing my fingers that I would feel well in the morning, so that I could repeat the cycle again the next night. I should focus on my wins; I’ll develop coping mechanisms it might just take a while.