I wanted to make a post that really just outlines my take aways, symptoms, feelings, etc… half a month in to my first month of sobriety so here we go!

During the first week, I felt both like I was riding the pink cloud ever so briefly and like there were entirely too many hours in the day. The anhedonia set in and with that it brought darker feelings, that didn’t quite come into full fruition, until week two. There were days where I just loved saying that I was alcohol free. There is a kind of power to that statement. When you are in your twenties there’s so much pressure to be social with alcohol and to make mistakes. Yes, well I made them, I hate how it becomes the focus of my life when I have it, and now I am free! That week I somehow didn’t have cravings; I ate my weight in chocolate and drank strawberry limeades and fell asleep early. I was excited for the weekend, then the weekend came, and I was so bored. Bored, but nothing held my interest, there was no dopamine. This led to sleeping fourteen hours a day and the hell that was week two.

Week two, I felt a wave of irritability and no one could talk me out of it. I would drop something on the ground, in my house, and scream. At work, I swore under my breath, I was short, I hated everyone and everything. I came home, I ate, I showered, and I slept. Then on Wednesday, I began vaping again intermediately, and I went to the gym. Both of those things made me realize I needed dopamine desperately. I started doing them every day and they seemed to stop giving me joy fairly quickly. Depression slid in and it was unlike any I’d had before. Finally, after a day spent forcing myself to enjoy things and finding relief. We entered the second half of the month.

Physically, I am blessed to say I have felt better, not worse. Mentally, I have been on a rollercoaster, but I knew it would get better. I always say it will work out, because it has to. A life without alcohol will be a much better life for me. It just might not always be easy.

My takeaways are that in early sobriety I should’ve been much nicer to myself. There’s no magic shoe fits all description of what early sobriety looks like for everyone. I thought that, because of my sobriety break last year I would instantly feel better, and I didn’t. This time, unlike the last, I felt worse. I had to ride it out and be stronger than I wanted to be. The end result is a much healthier life, both physically and mentally, but I have to actually get there. It’s not, at least for me, instantaneous. However, I made it this far, I feel much better, and I sleep like a baby. I can’t wait to see what one month of sobriety feels like!